You might hear the ghost of Jack Parr chortling, guffawing if you use these one-liners in your wedding day speech. These brief pieces of comedy are time-honored ways to liven up a speech. Groomed for appropriateness, you can safely include one or more of these in your speech or toast.
1. Marriage is a thing, which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.
2. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding rink and suffering.
3. Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence…a life sentence.
4. Never marry a man for money. You will have to earn every penny.
5. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
6. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
7. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It just seems like it.
8. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months…I don’t like to interrupt her.
9. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
As you reviewed these, you probably had a stronger reaction to some than others. It is best to chose one or two, rather than try and deliver a stand-up comedy on the day of the wedding. Even just using one as opening break-the-ice humor might make your speech successful. Hearing the laughter from the guests may dissolve your jitters and improve your speech from the get-go.
It is true that humor relaxes people – both you and many of the wedding guests. You’ll sense their approval by hearing their enjoyment.. And who doesn’t like to put a smile on the faces of the bride and groom on their special day. It is a happy occasion where you want to see a room full of smiling people.
These jokes are inoffensive and general enough be off-putting, but you should still take care to end your speech on a note of sincerity and with an expression of sincere good wishes for the new husband and wife.